totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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