So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
