Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
