I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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