Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
