Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
