You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
you had me at cake vodka
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
