Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
