Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
