Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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