So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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