it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
