this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
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