I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
