Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
