return my video game
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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