Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
