gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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