Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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