she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
