Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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