please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
