what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
