i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
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Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize