all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
