thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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