can u get pink eye on your cock?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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