Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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