when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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