her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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