Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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