I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
