Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
