he wants to bone in the snuggie
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
