Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize