I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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