I'm eating all of the evidence.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
