My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
