Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
