My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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