lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Randomize
