I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
