After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
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