Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
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