someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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