yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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