A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
