i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
