Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
