was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
