I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
