if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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