the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
