I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm passing your future prison.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
