There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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