Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
