We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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