Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
