The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
