addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
